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Curtis "Toastypants" Toastypants is a character in from the "Not A Commercial For Pop-Tarts" advertisement. Curtis is a Caucasian teenager with brown hair. Curtis seems to oblivious about the plot of the commercials he is in, but fully recognizes the fact that he is inside a commercial. This is due to the fact that he canonically has severe schizophrenia. The commercials' narrator is the voice that constantly plague's Curtis' head and us being able to hear the marriage-destroying voice is to signify that we are taking a peek into Curtis' disheveled mindscape. Despite the brutal debate on his status, Curtis is truly the victim in this situation. His life is being stripped to nothing but pain because of his Schizophrenia causing him to believe that he is in a Pop-Tart ad all of the time. While we see a very nice house that would belong to someone that would potentially be owned by an upper middle class family, the reality is much worse. He is actually in the homeless encampment on the Franklin Parkway in Philadelphia.

Pop-Tarts claim that they never filmed any of the Curtis starring videos and that one day they "Just appeared" -Steve Cahillane (CEO of Poptart). How this footage was created is still a mystery that some are scrambling to uncover, while skeptics believe that this is just a ploy by Pop-tart to sell more Pop-tart. When Curtis "Toastypants" Toastypants was interviewed and asked about the advertisements, he provided no answer. Instead he just cried and kept talking about how much he wishes there was a Pesto flavored Pop-tart (this interview was conducted 2 months prior to the Pesto flavor Pop-Tart being released).

Curtis Trivia[]

  • He loves Pesto
  • He was married and had twins before his Schizophrenia ruined his life and drove his family to abandon him
  • He prefers toasted Pop-Tarts over untoasted Pop-Tarts
  • There is video evidence of him killing a man in cold blood, but he has never been prosecuted
  • His schizophrenia is near constant. However, there have been times where he has "snapped back to reality" and seemed to have forgotten about all of the Pop-Tart nightmares. He does still panic because he doesn't recognize where he is
  • During these sobering moments, he claims that his real name is Robert Casanova
  • He is a huge Neil Cicierega fan both in and out of his hallucinations
  • Barbie_Wildberry if you're reading this. THIS IS WAR